The spider said, “It seems to me
A spider’s case could worsen.
Miss Muffet has a pressure spray
Concealed about her person.
“And any spider who is lured
By pretty eyes downcast
Had better see that he’s insured
Before he breathes his last.
“Her gentle charms are on display.
Do come and sit beside her?
This routine with her curds and whey
Means curtains for a spider!”
The spider shook his trembling shanks
And through his web went flitting.
“Miss Muffet’s tuffet? Please, no thanks.
I think I’ll miss this sitting!”
Source: Fractured Fairytales & Ruptured Rhymes compiled by Ann Weld. Omnibus Books, 1990